All-Purpose News Item - Race Riots

Some members of the human race went on a rampage today in response to an earlier rampage by other members of the human race. It is believed that this earlier rampage was prompted by an even earlier rampage. This latter rampage was in turn prompted by an even earlier rampage, and so on. Commentators and journalists are in broad agreement that racism is at the heart of the human race, and the only members of the human race who are not in thrall to racism are journalists and commentators. Although most journalists and commentators seem to be thrilled at the outbreak of racist attacks by the human race on the human race, their apparent excitement and joy is tempered by sanctimonious expressions of concern about the reprehensible nature of such racist attacks. Asked by a journalist and a commentator why the only members of the human race who are not racist are journalists and commentators, a spokesperson for commentators and journalists said: “oh that’s easy, we’re not really members of the human race... we're a higher order of existence entirely".